


Don't

by mrs_meloncholy



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Strong Language, Unrequited Love, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 22:24:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_meloncholy/pseuds/mrs_meloncholy
Summary: "Don't say it."





	Don't

**Author's Note:**

> uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

“I love you.” Edward’s voice was quiet as he stared through the dark room at the ceiling. His skin was sticky from sweat and other body fluids, and he could feel the bubbly afterglow burn through his muscles.

“No you don’t.” Roy said, his tone hard and empty, words resolute. His voice came from Ed’s left where he too was laying on his back staring up at the ceiling.

Edward glared, gritting his teeth over the rise of anger in his chest, not doing much to ease the sting in his eyes, “You think I _want_ to? Of all the fucking people to fall in love with, I had to pine for a semi-alcoholic war veteran with treasonous ambitions of world domination.”

“Not the world, just Amestris,” Mustang said, without pause. Ed rolled his eyes, “And there’s no ‘semi’ about my alcoholism,” He added, and waited a little longer to say, “And you aren’t in love with me.”

Ed laughed, putting both his hands flat over his face, “You’ve probably never been in love with anyone in your _life_ -”

“That’s probably true-”

“So what would you know? Your only argument is my fucking age!” Ed growled, narrowing his eyes on the empty ceiling and digging his fingernails into his face, “I know what love feels like. I know with every fucking breath I take, because everything I’ve done, and everything I’ll ever _do_ is because of love and-”

“Edward-”

“Everything I’ve done for Alphonse, I’d do for you! I’d sacrifice everything, I’d go anywhere, do anything, I’d _di_ -”

“Don’t say it.” Roy interrupts, louder this time, and with a little more desperation.

Ed claws down the sides of his face, screwing his eyes shut with wet eyelashes and breathing past the ache in his chest. He’ll do Roy the courtesy of not saying those words exactly, since they’re in his mind already, and instead says, “I _love you_ , and I’m _sick_ of it.”

“You’re young and empty, and I was too weak to say no, Edward. I fit the slot for one of your issues, and some sick twist of Stockholm Syndrome did the rest.”

Ed felt like his lungs were collapsing, maybe like the entire world was, and he choked out a broken laugh, smothering the tears in his hands and revelling in the darkness it brought, “You don’t give a shit about me at all, do you?” He asked, not expecting any answer, “What’s your excuse then? You’re just a pedophile fucking a 16 year old kid?”

“How else would anyone look at this?”

“I want to know what _you see_ , bastard.”

Roy was silent for a short moment and Ed pushed his hair from his face, not daring to sniffle no matter how stuffy his nose was getting, “I don’t want to believe anything different from them. I _won’t_. I’m sick in the head, and you’ve got daddy issues that I took advantage of.”

“Don’t give that bastard any credit for this. My issues have nothing to do with anything,” Edward said, “I’m not as fucked in the head as you seem to think I am.”

“But _I am_.”

Ed took a deep breath, “Can’t argue there. I don’t see how war flashbacks makes you fuck your underage subordinate, though.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“I guess murderers can’t be choosers then, huh? There are a lot of conventionally attractive teenagers you could fuck, you know. Why choose the double amputee with more scars than skin?” Ed asks, and is met with silence. After half a minute, he sighs and runs a hand over his face.

“You’re beautiful, Edward,” Roy said, “Don’t trick yourself into thinking anything else.”

“You think I’m beautiful? Oh, and I’m smart too. And strong, and capable, and altruistic, and far better at most than people twice my age, but you don’t care about me beyond my ability to fetch promotions and suck your cock.”

“That’s not true, you’re my subordinate. I care about you in a very professional way, like any decent commanding officer should.” Roy said, and Ed caught an edge of defensiveness.

Looking over again, Ed pauses, “Doesn’t sound to me like you think you’re a decent human being in general.”

“I suppose fucking a subordinate nearly half your age isn’t a decent thing to do.”

Ed blinks at the ceiling, “Then why _me_ , bastard?”

Roy’s silent for a long time, too much time, leaving Ed to think. Then he hums, “Convenience, I suppose.”

“Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?”

“I’m not in love with you, Edward, if that’s what you’re hoping to hear.” Roy replied, his voice suddenly angry.

Ed turned his head away, “Might’ve been what I was hoping, but not what I ever expected.”

"If you want to know why I fucked you Ed, it's because I  _wanted_ to, and nothing else." 

Edward tried to trick himself into thinking maybe that was good enough, "That doesn't make _sense_." 

“You aren’t getting anything from this conversation, so why not stop?”

“My heart’s not broken yet, bastard, might as well keep going until it just stops completely anyway.”

“It’d be suicide.”

Edward actually laughs, but it’s humourless and dry, “I got myself into this mess, didn’t I?”

“I blame myself.”

“For me falling in love with you?” He asks.

“You’re _not_ in love with me.”

Ed shuts his eyes feeling tired bone deep, “Whatever you say.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> no sequels to anything I've posted before yet, haven't gotten around to finishing the hundreds of things in my google drive, but have this thing I wrote in half an hour! hope you liked it!


End file.
